Kicking Ass and Taking Names
by supernaturalsammy67
Summary: Dedicated to Skag Trendy- it's payback time Winchester style and a certain someone's gonna' get it. Rated T, crack, humour, violence, language. S.T.'s payback on a certain someone, The brothers...help...


**This is a little sparkler for the phenominal firework Skag Trendy- please please PLEASE check her out...**

**I aint naming, I know nothing...**

**All I do know, is that bitch is going down! Winchester style...I don't care, I don't know her name, her face...**

**Dean know's people...is all i'm getting at!**

**S.T. love...this one's for you, shedding a little light on the hellfire a certain someone came from.**

**She should NOT ever even verged on commenting the arragont, obnoxious, selfish, bicthy, petulent and absoloutley childish insulting accusing way...**

**Well, maybe she's like ninety and eat's cookies from the bin, has slept with one man- and it was a cardboard cutout and like...not even worth the air around you.**

**Don't listen love, you've inspired, and been an admiration for thousands of dudes, and lasse's on this site, and just readers too...**

**Your really somethin' AND being like full time work, and the friggin jaw dropping shocking hours you work and still how much amazing things you still produce...**

**your just amazing, and don't let some lowlife- (smiles broadly- no offence dickwad) get in the way of your shining glory!**

**Hey, does a star care if a mayfly dies...**

**Enjoy me' love...it's meant for a laugh, and offence but ofcourse i'm not naming anyone, so how could anyone take offence?**

**Seriously...anyone get's flamed again, unjustly...there's not only gonna' be demons getting smited, or smoted...ahha thanks Courts! ;)**

**Summary: Dedicated to a special lass: Skag Trendy get's payback on a certain someone. Sam and Dean just happen to...help...language, voilence, crack...**

**Disclaimer : now this I own...Skag' owns the awesomeness though...she's made of it, I just snagged some diamond dust...**

**WARNING: you know who you are! this, fic...right here. They're after you missy...i'd run**

**Oh aye: this is in noo way a threat...ofcurse we don't have access to Sam and Dean.. (shifty eyes)**

**for the sake of it, the erm...'accused' are in the US- not stereotyping or anything, I do know the US citzens friggin rule! but yeah- it fitted in with the fic...**

**On with...**

**Kicking Ass and Taking Names**

"Hey what about, erm...that chubacarbra in New Orleans?...Or the vamp nest in Maine?"

"Nah man...does't stand out, and it's waaayy too far away, some other hunter'l do it"

Sam sighed.

"Dean man, just pick _something_ please!...weve been going over leads for three hours man!" Sam rubbed a hand through his hair, and sighed.

"Well...I got nothing dude. Just lay back, I wanna' do something..."

Sam's interest was peaked. "Really?...what?" Dean could practically _hear _the grin in his brother's voice.

"Nothing Sammy, calm down. It's just some spare time...ya know, to ourselves..."

Sam contined to stare Dean out. "You? Relax?...spare time? Dean what the hell? what's going on?"

"Just a little something I do in the spare time, when ya know we actually get some..."

Sam scoffed. "Well what?"

Dean squirmed. "It's called Fanfiction...this girl, she's fucking amazing Sammy, seriously you should read you age 15 ha! and some of the stuff I get to go through..."

he wiggled his eyebrows suggesively.

"What?...she writes?...about us?" Sam's eye's widened.

"Yeah, friggin' amazin' ass Brit too!" Dean beamed.

"Well, whats her name?"

"Skag Trendy..."

"Hey, isn't that a song by..." Sam licked his lips. "The View?"

"So...? look at her profile dude!"

A few minutes later Sam had a mega watt grin, and he really should _warn _someone when he's going to do _that._

After half an hour of clicks and chapters and stories. Sam was giving a standing ovation...in his seat no less.

"Dude you like em?" Dean smiled, bottle of water open in his hand as he sat on the motel bed.

"Who's Jay?..." Sam's smile looked embarassed and Dean burst into laughter. "I erm...I really like her" he coughed and crossed his legs, features knitting.

"Dude...told you! like leave a review now, she needs to know what she's doing is awesome!"

Sam was about to open the review box, _click on the purple button! _

"Hey Dean...have you read this?...the latest fic...'I didn't mean it' someones like...abused her?...man it sounds really bad..."

"BITCH!"

"Seriously? what is the point, is this like the creepy old lady who groped you, there's like no need!"

Sam grimaced that old lady did not grope him, she _tried _to.

"Where is Skag from?"

"Erm...Jersey, one of the tiny ass channel Islands near England..."

"We should go"

"Dude, slow on the uptake or what?...we _are_ going, _were _before you even spoke. Ohh this bitch is going down! she's gonna' fucking wanna wish she'd never been born!"

Sam nodded, wrapped up the laptop, grabbed his duffle and jacket and the Impala roared to life.

XOXOX

"Okay, we flying?...or erm...boat?" Sam hesitated.

"Were gonna' steal a float Sammy, what did you think! I've made a call to some guy dad knew, he owns yachts and...he's ugh...gonna give us one..."

"Give?" The eyebrows rose.

"Well, we helped him...I scratch his back n' all..."

Sam sighed. "_Were _sailing to England?"

XOXOX

"What?"

Sam sighed again.

"Man?...what!?"

"Dean, do you even slightly _know _the way to Jersey...? To England no less?"

"Ch'yeah...sure I do. It's not that hard Sammy...you just gotta' uhm...navigate the compass an' shit..."

Sam's audiable slap of palm on forehead echoed on the flimsy boat.

XOXOX

"Please just turn us around or something...I don't wanna' get lost in the whole _ocean _with you"

"Sammy, don't you trust me?...I mean c'mon were doing this for S.T."

Sam sighed. "Were lost ya' moron, how can we possibly from here...?"

A horn made the brothers jump and a fishing boat sailed by, more than 12 feet from their own and Sam stood and walked to the railings.

"Excuse me?...hey!"

The elderly man slowed the engine and waved over.

"What can I do for you boys?"

Dean paled from behind Sam. The man's accent unmistakable.

"Nothing, never mind!"

After the boat had floated by, Sam turned to face his brother. "Follow that fuckin' boat Dean and get us to an airport!"

Dean mumbled under his breath while he turned the yacht. "I didn't know we were still in America..."

XOXOX

Apparently Dean knew a lot more people then he let on, another high perk of the job.

A friend Sam and Dean helped a while back with a plane possession, knew someone who knew someone else...who new John.

How convienient.

After almost 24 hours of failing to sail, wandering in aimless circles, the brothers had two first class air tickets to Jersey and one free ride anywhere else.

Helping one pilot not so long back seemed to spread to all the others, private and public airlines.

"At least we can't run out of luck now" Dean laughed, being served fresh champaigne and chocolate eclairs. It looked kind of weird, Dean terrified of planes but with a hot stuardess, food and alcohol not to mention the fifty-odd pillows he had stuffed around him, anyone could feel safe.

Sam glared hard at Dean. "Don't poke fate...fatty" He mumbled.

Dean stuffed the last eclair in his mouth and frowned. "Am' not..."

XOXOX

Over 12 hours later, the brother landed, albeit loudly at Jersey airport.

"Friggin' short ass island huh...?"

"People have said the same about you brother..." Sam smiled and let Dean follow him to a taxi.

"Hey, erm...States of Jersey emergency services, please...and step on it"

"Sure, matey...oh, I see your from America. Love your accent pals, like to go there when i'm a bit older, with the family like, wife's just started...-"

Before long the hospital came into view, the joy in having such a small island, not that many twatting cab drivers to talk to.

The cold breeze hit them as soon as the taxi left, and they scurried into the swinging doors.

Approaching the front desk, Dean asked about said Skag Trendy while Sam scoured the boards of docter's and nurses on call.

"Dean, she works in the lab...I remember, c'mon!"

Dean thanked the receptionist, although she could use a coffee.

Locating the lab was easier said then done, they're was more fucking hallways and corners and left wings, and sections than a tortoises life span.

It was empty. Go figuire. But that didn't stop the brothers rifling through heaps of paperwork, looking at some blood tests and finally sitting on one of the few computors with someone still logged on.

"I think this might be her..."

"what's got you so sure"

"EH!...who are you two, and what the fuck ya' doin' round me...oh...hello" Her voice turned to pure purr's to Dean's ears as he turned. A 'Bean around the worl' coffee cup in her right hand.

"Because it's got supernatural fiction on it..." Sam finished the earlier statement. "Hi, were uhm..." He stood, and held out his hand after Dean. "Sam and Dean...we heard about the reviewer-"

"That bicth is going down!" Dean said, looking longingly into Skag's eye's. "Your writing is really something" He said politey.

Skag sat at her desk, eye's never leaving the boy's faces.

"You came all the way from..._America..._to be here?"

The boy's nodded. "We need to hunt something, this is the best lead weve got so far...it must be a demon" Dean winked.

Sam nodded at that. "Do you know anything of where they live, who they are...? at all?"

Skag regarded them. "You two a' really gonna' hunt em?...over that review?"

"That demonic review..." Dean emphasised.

Skag clapped her hands. "Can I fucking help!...oh you've gotta' let me lads! I wanna' do some right damage!"

Dean blinked. "We were thinking more...payback than personal revenge, how can anyone blame you afterall, if your here at your desk...minding your own business..."

Skag cocked an eyebrow. "I like that jammy plot...I like it alot love! when do you start?"

"Just let us track the reviewer and you'll soon see the damage..."

She smiled. "Fuckin' deal boys...bloody deal!"

They all shook hands, leaving the actual punishment a suprise, the boys said their thanks, shared a coffee and stood to leave.

"Oh...one more thing lads!..."

"yeah?" They echoed.

"Remember Gordo's payback...my fic?..." Skag wiggled her eyebrows.

Dean caught on. "Oh, don't worry...it's gonna' be...an _interesting _payback..." The brother left with a wink.

Skag sat with a devilish smirk on her lips. "I love those boys..."

XOXOXOXO

Apparently, finding someone through a profile wasn't so hard. A few tracking skills here and there, coupled with Sam's computor knowledge and Dean's quick thinking they'd pinpointed the perpetraitor closer than they'd expected.

A private jet was waiting for them, personal travel at the Jersey airport.

Only Dean had to make a quick stop at Anne Summers for some...payback items.

XOXOXO

Sam stopped on the way to pick up a curse box of their dads, it was hidden under a bookshelf and wrapped in layers of Trojan condoms.

Sam grinned. This was too easy.

XOXOXO

The house looked normal...it seemed normal.

But the worst evil on earth resided in it, and Dean hesitantly knocked on the door.

He placed the bag of aquired 'items' next to the curse box, painted over in pink and left a nice poofy bow and a letter of 'open me' in a heart on the box.

When they heard movement in the house, Sam pulled on Dean's jacket and they high tailed it out of the garden and round the corner of a very large oak.

A stouty woman with what seemed a russian doll version of chins came to the door, teeth poked over her lips she regarded the bag, silly symbols she noticed matched on the box and the bag, but smiling horribly she opened the box to reveal...

Nothing...?

Sighing she closed the door, left the bag of bulky items on the sofa, next to the box and suddenly felt a breeze.

The temperature dropped and a low forced cackling erupted through the house.

Suddenly the bag was being emtied all around her, the items ending with verious thuds according to their 'size' and the lady screamed.

A half man formed face of mist appeared before her. Features turned up into a smile it raised a few of the items and charged for the woman.

XOXOXO

The brother's were trying not the laugh when they saw her open the box.

And when she screamed...and the thuds that followed.

Not to mention when one of their aquired 'items' smashed through the front window and landed furthr into the garden before them.

Grass stained knee's weren't the only problem.

Dean was choking on laughter, bent at the waist, and Sam rolled on the floor, shreiking at the pavement at the sounds in the house.

It was the funniest 9-1-1 call Dean had ever had to make.

He tried to sound scared but Sam was jumping on his tip toes, pointing at the house and rolling in hysterical laughter.

XOXOXO

"Ello'?"

"S.T. it's Dean, I think you'd better come down to the hospital over here, there'll be a jet at the airport, just say Winchester and we'll see you in a few hours...don't worry they'll take you to us..."

Skag heard Sam laughing in the background and found herself smiling away.

"You've got it mate! I'm on my way!"

She hung up, saved the story she'd been writing and hopped it down to the airport, first class too...god was she grinning when she turned up in the US.

XOXOX

As promised Dean and Sam were waiting outside the hospital, faces cheery, cheeks red and eye's streaming from laughter.

"Skag!...glad you could make it. There's something inside your gonna' wanna' hear..." He raised his eyebrows.

Sam stifled a laugh and followed them through the main doors, up to ICU waiting area, where a docter in bright blue scrubs stood waiting.

"This is the family member we told you about Dr. knox"

The docter shook Skag's hand and she noticed the boy's acting, all serious now eh...

Leading them down to the patients room, he explained what injuries she'd recieved and the effects of how long they'd last.

"So doc, what exactly happened to her?" Skag asked, her own smiles held back.

"Erm...we...arrived at the scene and found..." He struggled for right words. "certain devices, scattered everywhere...all over, even outside..."

Sam scoffed and snorted back a laugh. Dean grinned.

"We removed one...ah..device, from her ear and...other _various _area's, she's quite uncomfortable but..."

"The injuries aren't extensive but she suffered quite an amount of trauma...she's sedated for the time. Thought it best. You may see her when your ready Miss. Trendy..."

"I know I am..." Skag grinned. The docter took a look through the glass panal of the patients room and paled, he grimaced and hurried down the hallway.

Skag looked through the glass at the person lying in the bed. Huge bruises covered her arms and face in the shape of...

"What did you lot do?" Skag smiled, laughed at the odd flinch of the patient in the bed.

"Well awhile back, our dad faced this spirit...only wanted _one _thing..." Dean widened his eye's.

"We just stopped by your comfy Anne Summers, had us a little binding spell on a few 'devices' and let it go..."

Skag's face burned red. "You set a...an unreleased sexual tension form of a ghost on her...ha! You set a horny spirit after her! what did it do!?"

Sam chuckled low in his throat. "We binded it to these" He handed her the bag, what was left.

"Well what did he beat her up with? those bruises look like..." She opened the bag. And bust into high pitched laughter.

"DILDO'S!!" Skag shouted around the hospital wards.

All three callapsed into a state of never ending laughter, hands leaning on the walls, and feet sliding onto the floor.

It ws ICU not the mental clinic.

Skag sat on the floor, heaving breaths and putting the picture together in her head. Then laughing some more.

XOXOXO

The brothers had informed the docter Skag was the only relative and ordered her to be flown out, find out about the fate of a certain individual all herself.

The fun still hadn't died down an hour or so after she arrived.

Once the patient woke up, it became even funnier.

They took it in turns to jump up at the glass panal window, holding the various cocks, and shaking them wildly at the petrified patient.

That only made the day more fun...especially when Skag found out how old the spirit was, and where the lack of devices had ended up, or..._in._

"Eh, so...if you bought that many...how come's there's only four 'ere?"

Dean laughed. "That's why she went into surgery...they couldn't get the rest _out_!"

"It's over four centuries old...bet it was gaggin' all this time..."

"Well it took most of it out on her...ha! she's been smurfed!"

The brothers echanged puzzled looks.

"Slapped with a cock...?...ugh, you two need to listen more!"

XOXOXO

The brothers hitched a ride with Skag back to England and her island, and shared the next few days going over hunts and her stories and general work she delt with.

The brothers realised the gal wasn't that different from them at all, and they were more alike then they thought.

When it was finally time for goodbye's they didn't miss the way Skag was smirking.

"What did you do?"

"Swiped the adress of our not so friend..." She grinned.

Sam piped up "What did you do?"

"Aww don't sound so harsh about it, I only sent her a gift!"

Dean found it hard to set an example and yet _not _grin his head off.

"What gift...?"

Skag blushed. "The ghost got lonely..."

Dean's jaw dropped. "You sent it back!"

Sam laughed. "Don't you think she's had enough..." Even though he too was grinning.

"What!..I sent protection too!"

And that just set them all off again.

**END!**

**or ya know...we could have a continuation...there's plenty a ways thins can work out.**

**I just re-read that...yep, im officially twisted!**

**:D**

**Hoped it made you smile lovey, despite the rushed ness of it, and the fact I have sooo many spelling mistakes x**

**TAKE CARE! and don't forget...Dean knows people...I wouldn't be suprised...**

**HAH!!**


End file.
